On board a Canadian Airlines flight to the Philippines, the plane ran into a bit of mild turbulence. Pockets of air emerged through the slipstream. The pilots on this flight were all inexperienced. The most experience pilot had less than three years of flying with a major commercial airline.
In times of trouble, a QRH or Quick Reference Handbook is referred to as much as a Priest would refer to a Bible. In fact, it was often referred to as "the Bible" amongst airline pilots so much was it relied upon.
On this occasion, the co-pilot asked the pilot for the QRH as the pilot was more experienced than the co-pilot and would know where these things are.
After nearly fifteen minutes of searching, the pilot said, "It's back at the airport. Uh, I have to admit that I took it into the public washroom at the airport and was reading it while I was taking a shit and left it on top of the toilet tank. We just took off from the airport less than an hour ago. I will call the control tower and they will call Airport Operations and the book should still be there. Wait, let me call them."
Minutes later, the pilot was talking into a phone. "I'm not sure which stall it was. I think it was the second or third one, but check them all."
A minute later, the pilot looking extremely somber, hung up the phone and looked at his cabin crew all sitting there in the cockpit and said, "The QRH is not in the washrooms. Someone must have walked off with it."
Dean Noble
Dawson Creek, BC
April 26, 2008
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The screenplay:
George Bernard Shaw wrote his plays this way and this works also for a movie screenplay. My favourite GBS line is from Arms and the Man.
"You can always tell an old soldier by the inside of
his holsters and cartridge boxes. The young ones carry pistols
and cartridges; the old ones, grub."
-George Bernard Shaw, Arms and the Man, Scene I
I have some possible actors lined up
Wes - An African guy who lives at the Alaska Hotel. Appeared briefly in DAWSON CREEK episode 4.
Bob Portman - At one point, owned a $1,500 computer with a video editing system.
Dean Noble - Yours truly.
Deanne - The female presence in my upcoming movies where one is required.
possible actors:
Bobby - Has not been seen around here for months. Was studying a helicopter mechanic course at the local community college.
Kenny - Son of a previous colleague. Good guy. Very witty.
Chris - Good guy. Lived in Vancouver for a few weeks last year in the downtown Eastside. Now safely back in Dawson Creek.
Norm - A tall Native guy. Good person for portraying the role of Native, or protector, or tough guy.
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Comedy At 17,000 Feet
screenplay
Scene: Airplane cockpit. Boeing 747. Three chairs. The front left is the pilot's chair, Dean Noble, veteran YouTube actor will be the pilot. The front right chair is the copilot 1. Whoever the actor will be. The back right chair will be the copilot 2.
Dean Noble, pilot: Ladies and Gentleman, this is your captain speaking. We seem to be experiencing some mild turbulence but sit tight. We should be through this momentarily. Meanwhile stay seated, put on your seatbelts and the stewardesses will be on hand to offer any assistance. Thank you for flying Air Canada.
Narrator, Dean Noble: - The Quick Reference Handbook or QRH is so often used by pilots during any crisis during flight that it is referred to as "The Bible".
Dean Noble, pilot: To copilot: Get me the QRH.
They search, while the pilot only furtively puts on a pretense of searching.
A few minutes later.
Copilot 1: Any luck? Have you found it?
Copilot 2: No luck.
Dean Noble, pilot: You can stop searching. It's back at the airport. Uh, I have to admit that I was reading it while I was having a shit in the public washrooms just before the flight. I'll call Tower and they will call Airport Operations.
A five second shot of the tower at an Airport.
Scene: Outside the washrooms at the Greyhound Bus station which is supposed to represent an airport washroom. One of the actors will be holding a cell phone. AS he goes into the washroom to look for the book, he says.
Airport Operations staff worker: "Yeah, OK, I will have a look."
Scene: A quick shot of the airport operations staff worker flipping open the washroom stall doors.
Scene: Back at the cockpit.
Dean Noble, pilot: Looking shocked and somber. "It isn't there. Someone must have walked off with it."
Scene: A shot of the cabin crew looking shocked, somber and disgusted.
Scene: A shot of the Airport Operations staff worker looking up the sky, thinking about the airplane, looking somber and disgusted.
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